I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
