: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize