so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
only if we run a train.
done.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
