It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
