You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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