kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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