I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
