My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
