i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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