I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize