my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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