So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
