Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
