I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was like giving head to a cactus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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