What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
