You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
