I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
