Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
