you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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