I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
