im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
