I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
