i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just tell him i said nine months
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
