Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
