Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
