If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
