I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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