I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
