went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize