porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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