there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
