I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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