Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
