I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
