Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
