So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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