Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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