Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
