i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
They are going to name an STD after you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
