I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
