So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
