Ambien. No doubt about it.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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