Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
