if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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