I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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