there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
