i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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