I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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