my vag is so smooth its legendary
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
