There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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