Your face is a jimmy john
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have fence marks all over my body
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
