dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
