Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize