i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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