I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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