Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How does it feel to date your dad?
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