I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
