Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
