Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
