they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
