so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you win again, gameday.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
