I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
