shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
