I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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