Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
