goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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