I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
