By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
