I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
