I need to stop coming to work sober
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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