Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
