Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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