I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
