At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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