splinters make it hard to masturbate
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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