When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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